Who am I well

This is just musing.

I’ve struggled, very much indeed with my mental health pretty much constantly since my early teens - 40 yrs more than…..& now I’ve finally found, grow, cultivated some equilibrium & peace in my nervous system that’s been very hard won but feels very real & very sustainable…. But 

But…now I’ve got to find out, or create, who am I well…..it’s so late in the day to get emotional limbs back, not back, but to grow emotional limbs that function ok, are reliable, somewhat reliable, potentially can be relied upon, to support me in adversity….. I think it’s really understandable that I’m not sure who I am well yet….. 

Hmmm, of course I’m aware that identity issues are an important tenet of BPD but this is different, my life has been long term centred on the mystery of my admittedly rather complex mental/nervous system health picture….. and now I’ve achieved real, clear indisputable progress at long loooong last….. now I need another focus….. obviously there is the maintenance of wellness which with Bipolar 1 also in the mix, is not to be taken lightly & I absolutely do not take it light, but I know how to prevent episodes now, I’ve apparently mastered it. 

It seems I’ve mastered it by self awareness, the insight that I’ve gained from being (somewhat) conscious in episodes plus some quite major lifestyle modifications that I guess others prefer not to make.