The difference between having long term severe mental illness & having a breakdown (*edited)

So I watched this & it got me sparking so I thought I’d share: Trauma, Shame & Being Enough

So Patti & I agree that within all so called Mental Illness is brain & nervous system dysfunction caused by some kind of trauma, a maladaptive response to stress &/or insurmountable stress.

Then I’d like to add Dr Amens thoughts about general anaesthetic, sedation & even local anaesthetic & then also head injury from accident or sports contributing to long term mental illness structurally via direct hardware brain/nervous system injury.

 *Then theres the obvious systemic inflammation from poor diet, food sensitivities & ready irritants like alcohol & drugs both legal & illegal (with exclusions in both those latter categories for some people eg CBD seems especially helpful across the board) confounding the nervous system particularly during childhood & adolescence reeking havoc on susceptible developing physiologies*

But I have the question….. what is the difference between a robust nervous system that can withstand endless insults of a range of types without developing a serious longterm fault or which recovers its prior function relatively swiftly & easily & one that simply does not or cannot.

We used to call it a constitutionally highly strung type because of course, the more sensitive someone is the more likely to spiral into increasing mental illness, that is; nervous system dysfunction, when faced with overwhelming stress or psychological insult. But the nurture aspect is crucial too. Support, genuine unconditional, family, community, friendship support can make or break a nervous system, I have no doubt, just as negative experiences in family or community can condemn us to a worse life. 

Like attracts like, of this i'm sure. My social circles in the past largely ended up with diagnoses or early death from Substance Use Disorders, old world alcoholism & drug addiction, that the vile Right Wing press would still have you believe is a weakness of character & not trying hard enough rather than what it is; the surface expression & attempted suppression of the symptoms of serious Nervous System Dysfunction. The eventual diagnoses or self diagnoses have all been, across the board, the most helpful thing for all of these people.

Patti's Talk I think is a worthy discussion for those who have had a single intense period of breakdown after really being predominantly functional, but it needs to be known that these bouncing back robust types have perhaps not suffered insurmountable psychological or physical adversity without adequate support. 

For those of us with long term ongoing nervous system dysfunction, there is for sure something of use for us in this talk, but id like to see the difference in these 2 groups discussed more frequently & deeply to help us find more answers for all.

NPD & BPD

I’ve had a phenomenal week, nearly a week off social media, really I’m talking about Twitter, where I’m not very social rather I’m informative or hope to be of service informationally. 

The sun has shone & I’ve managed multiple escapes to the sea with a healthy wide range of grandchildren, friends & watersports equipment. My energy, my mood, my self esteem has been great. Absent permanent anxiety my nervous system is clearly healing, finally, about bloody time.

There was a dog fight incident, absolutely not my fault, that prior to working with BPD/ADHD resources, isochonic tones, polyvagal stuff etc would have taken me days to recover from, I recovered in 15 mins just like a normal functional nervous system!

Absolutely brilliant. So very pleased.

I also bounced back from some, what I will call Narcissistic Abuse in pretty smart order during this week too. This is incredible progress for me. Coming back for years & actually decades in the dark with a broken nervous system were my capacity to trust in my thinking & my capacity to process was basically nil for so much of the time, to be able to determine that another party has injured me, unintentionally although through selfish motivations & the classic Narcissistic low empathy for consequences of their actions has been paradoxically, a real boost to my self confidence, self trust & sense of self esteem.

Also doubly paradoxically because had I not risked the interaction I would not have incurred the injury but then I would not have discovered my new improved robust recovery capability! BPD & ADHD have heightened risk of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is actually multiplied when comorbid, so this is no small success, not at all. I genuinely feel that this experience has given me hope that I could weather real world relationships with a firmer footing in self reliance & self confidence that I had not expected to achieve without the, for me impossible expense of personal therapy.

Another way of saying that is that I still felt I was much much more fragile than I actually turned out to be under interpersonal pressure, so thank you! I’ve been shielding my nervous system for so long, understandably when the consequences of not used to be a 9 month Bipolar 1 depression plus BPD neurosis & psychosis ugh with literally zero support psychologically, physically or financially…. with actual hinderance from others rather than support … my god I’ve been a resilient bastard…. I really have…. talk about dogged…. a trait I admire in others apparently has been truly under my belt this entire lifetime. 

It’s got me thinking though, because BPD & NPD are both ‘cluster b’ next of kin, like sister & brother….. incredibly 8% of men carry narcissistic traits enough to be considered Narcissistic, it’s like NPD is the male version of BPD in a way…… it’s like those super super sensitive children who aren’t supported to learn healthy emotional regulation &/or are actively emotionally, psychologically, physically or sexually abused, that deep early trauma wounding becomes the basis for the toughened shell of NPD or the skinless wrecked nervous system of BPD….. they are the same kind of untouchable wounds, kind of, but being managed in very different kind of opposing ways.

Narcissists are getting a really bad press atm, online therapists are on their trail & are teaching their victims how to defend themselves in vast numbers atm. But I want to interject 2 things here. 

Everyone has access to a narcissistic state of mind/being because selfishness is just a human trait, the degree to which its balanced with compassion & empathy will dictate the general psych wellness of an individual. The more protection the body/mind decides it needs to survive the more fiercely & densely Narcissism will grow.

And secondly I really object to the amount of 'these people are unhealable' that's going on in the online wellness community. Never forget that until about 15 years ago with Marsha Lineham & DBT arriving, BPD was also deemed completely impossible & unhealable & for the good of all concerned we were locked heavily medicated for decades in Mental Institutions - literally binned as human beings & now the recovery rate is very very good & still growing exponentially.

I do consider that had I been unequivocally forced into certain more oppressive situations in my 20’s I would have either died or managed to mutate into a much more aggressively self seeking self serving narcissistic person in order to survive….. I like to think I would have been able to do that rather than just give up & die, maybe that's bs though but as a thought experiment I’m having it.

So what’s my pondering today, what’s my subject here…..well it’s healing NPD I guess. Being almost the male version of BPD for basic sex difference reasons that speak for themselves….. innate male competitive urge & innate female cooperation urge being a good starting point.

So what’s the sticking point, why do Therapists generally imply that NPD is so much less healable than BPD? Seemingly, the core defence shell of the NPD is made up of, in part, lies & manipulation that is required to maintain the all important Narcissistic Supply that prevents direct experience of the low self image, deep trauma wounds & resulting psyche insecurity that are the roots of NPD. Even Therapists can be manipulated by a convincing habitual liar if the NPD is determined enough.

NPDs have to be committed to dissolving their protective shell made of lies & manipulation as the very first position,  no matter what horror that reveals,  that & forgiving themselves, everyday, & that doesn’t mean it’s ok to wound others, of course not but to become awake to what they thought they were getting by doing the manipulation in the first place….. which is the buffer of Narc supply…. a buffer for the low self image that they’ve lived under for too long.

I’m absolutely convinced this is healable, and that the way is honesty…..  honesty to yourself first & foremost & then to those that matter to you most, even if it’s after the fact, even when you make the old mechanical error of lying, admit it, correct it, every time you can, that's a skill, build it, give yourself that gift, underneath that awful weight of self hatred for being fake is such a profoundly beautiful sensitive child who I simply adore & always will. 

We are in a stunningly psychologically savvy, personal development focused social media world atm where info about traits & diagnoses & attendant evidence based resources are flooding into our deprived consciousnesses initiating awareness, growth & healing. Its all to win, it really is.

💜💜