BPD Webs

I was looking for a description of a BPD episode because I’m struggling to be able to put into words what’s happening, has been happening to me since mid December. I’m not well, not been well, and whilst I’m grateful that my Bipolar is not affecting me, in some ways this is worse. And so unfair. All I have is a crush, that’s all, a big crush I guess you’d say & the cost of that crush is this pain. I don’t know how to move. It just hurts too much. I am attempting to get some extra help. Please be kind and patient with people with BPD. It’s truly a fucking disaster for any person to suffer with this mega magnified broken nervous system package of emotional dysfunction. Please try to be gentle with us, it’s not our fault.

I tried to find an image that represents the type of pain that I suffer, Audrey does well describing the mental anguish on this page https://www.bpdbeautiful.com/bpd-symptoms-bpd-episode-what-bpd/ 

The image that I find fits for me is kind of hell or Dante’s inferno. It’s not all the time but it’s episodes, bouts of mental anguish with searing emotional but yet truly physical pain, like I’m burning. 

So  anyway, whilst I’m struggling for words I just found this lovely lovely website…. With someone more freely expressing about BPD

Here is a short extract on how difficult BPD is in Audrey’s words from her website at BPDBeautiful.com

Borderline Personality Disorder is Serious

If you know someone with BPD or suspect someone you know has BPD—please remember borderline personality disorder is real. It’s a serious condition and not something to be mocked, stigmatized or brushed off. Up to 10% of BPD patients will die by suicide. So if your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, family member or friend with BPD threatens suicide or openly idealizes it, take. them. seriously.
(See BPD / DBT Resources on the Start Here page)

The person you know with BPD is struggling more than you can imagine. They may put on a tough, emotionless face or be completely hysterical. They may say outlandish or abusive things, or they may be abusive (which is never okay – BPD is no excuse) and have fits of rage. They may go to extreme measures to ensure themselves of your love and support or to prevent you from going out with friends. 

Their behaviour will appear completely irrational. But there’s more going on inside than meets the eye.

BPD makes you feel a life-or-death sense of urgency to prevent an abandonment (real or imagined). It screams in your ear and convinces you that people you cherish deeply will leave you, no matter what. It convinces you that people who love you, don’t love you and never did. BPD makes you feel deep rooted shame and absolute terror over everyday life situations. Situations that other people don’t bat an eye at. Which makes you feel misunderstood, discarded and left to rot.

But do you know what the worst part of BPD is? It’s when you’ve pushed your loved one past their limit, with your rage and embarrassing behaviour—all due to these overwhelming fears your brain tricks you into believing. Because when that person’s limit is pushed to its fullest they really do leave. This is one thing I can confidently say is something I’ve seen happen to everyone I’ve met with BPD.

BPD makes you your own worst enemy. It’s a horrible mental hell. And it makes keeping friendships & relationships even harder than usual.

And that’s why it’s so important to seek treatment. Recovery is possible and the rate of recovery is higher than most realise.