I feel bad leaving this in my blog descriptor so I’ve just taken it off because I’ve absolutely no interest in making music at all, never mind sharing it, at the moment and for a good long while now. I’ve so much to try and straighten out in my life & work on & everything takes me a long time if I need to really engage my wayward drifty brain & I can’t afford any help & kids too busy…… if I do anything else, manage to focus on anything else then the chance to play piano is lost….. recording anything is way beyond my capacity, wires of all kinds & red record buttons trigger panic in me…..so that’s ok, I’m ok with that……a lot has happened, I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the last 9 months & far for the better in different ways…… just not in that way.
I’m sure I’ll go back, I’ll probably have a metamorphosis, that’s what usually happens when I lose interest in an instrument or current style of music. So good to recognise, acknowledge & come to terms with the reality & root of my concentration problems, which have always stressed me musically as well as other zones of life. I’ve been so frustrated with myself for so long, just so long & problems with attention have been soul destroying at times.
So I’ve just got too much else in other areas demanding my energy. I’d been hiding in the piano for ages, long hours every day because I’d given up with people entirely because I didn’t know what was wrong with me, (of course yes I know also positively as mindfulness & meditation.) So that’s changed & still changing. It’s just time to do something else.
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