Fit n fitter - I Shouldn't Really Be Here

I’m really quite physically fit, fitter than I’ve ever been amazingly but over 50 I do accept that my tummy is now doing it’s own thing to quite a large degree now…. Unconnected to exercise or calorific intake…. just off in its own apparently…. lol 

No it’s lovely 🥰 I’ve worked really hard to achieve even this & it’s lovely…… Gratuitous bikini pix to you. 

If you’ve suffered severe mental health problems & you make it past 40 you’ve done so amazingly well - the stats are clear…. My imaginary autobiography would be called “I shouldn’t really be here”. If you add up the life years lost to each of my conditions it adds up, using the max stat for each condition to exaggerate for effect…… to almost all of my mad massive 55 years that I’ve achieved

ADHD loses you between 11-13 yrs of life when still active in adulthood, with women disproportionately more likely to die from accident….(that’s very ADD)

BPD = a risk of 15-20 yrs lost and Bipolar 1 can lose you 11-20 from the average life expectancy.

I know that’s a overdramatic way of viewing it but I’ve used it for affect…. The overall average for severe mental illness is about 10 yrs lost….but it’s the quality of life lost thats the real disaster for all mental illness imo…..the suffering, the loneliness, the low self esteem…. that’s what’s really tough…..be kind to yourself for gods sake & practice having your own back for when no one else does. 💜🙌

The difference between having long term severe mental illness & having a breakdown (*edited)

So I watched this & it got me sparking so I thought I’d share: Trauma, Shame & Being Enough

So Patti & I agree that within all so called Mental Illness is brain & nervous system dysfunction caused by some kind of trauma, a maladaptive response to stress &/or insurmountable stress.

Then I’d like to add Dr Amens thoughts about general anaesthetic, sedation & even local anaesthetic & then also head injury from accident or sports contributing to long term mental illness structurally via direct hardware brain/nervous system injury.

 *Then theres the obvious systemic inflammation from poor diet, food sensitivities & ready irritants like alcohol & drugs both legal & illegal (with exclusions in both those latter categories for some people eg CBD seems especially helpful across the board) confounding the nervous system particularly during childhood & adolescence reeking havoc on susceptible developing physiologies*

But I have the question….. what is the difference between a robust nervous system that can withstand endless insults of a range of types without developing a serious longterm fault or which recovers its prior function relatively swiftly & easily & one that simply does not or cannot.

We used to call it a constitutionally highly strung type because of course, the more sensitive someone is the more likely to spiral into increasing mental illness, that is; nervous system dysfunction, when faced with overwhelming stress or psychological insult. But the nurture aspect is crucial too. Support, genuine unconditional, family, community, friendship support can make or break a nervous system, I have no doubt, just as negative experiences in family or community can condemn us to a worse life. 

Like attracts like, of this i'm sure. My social circles in the past largely ended up with diagnoses or early death from Substance Use Disorders, old world alcoholism & drug addiction, that the vile Right Wing press would still have you believe is a weakness of character & not trying hard enough rather than what it is; the surface expression & attempted suppression of the symptoms of serious Nervous System Dysfunction. The eventual diagnoses or self diagnoses have all been, across the board, the most helpful thing for all of these people.

Patti's Talk I think is a worthy discussion for those who have had a single intense period of breakdown after really being predominantly functional, but it needs to be known that these bouncing back robust types have perhaps not suffered insurmountable psychological or physical adversity without adequate support. 

For those of us with long term ongoing nervous system dysfunction, there is for sure something of use for us in this talk, but id like to see the difference in these 2 groups discussed more frequently & deeply to help us find more answers for all.

Article Summing up Benefits of Red Light NIR Therapy

 https://platinumtherapylights.com/blogs/news/brain-light-therapy

Here is a really thorough review of the benefits of Red Light Therapy particularly regarding brain health but bear in mind that these guys make devices so it leans a bit towards sales speak & somewhat glorified interpretations of research but skimming through I cannot argue with it much except that, as with most natural therapies, getting proper extensive research done is nigh impossible if it’s going to detract from Big Pharma profit & if you read the possible list of benefits, like natural Progesterone- some unpatentable things just help too many lucrative conditions.

Also, as I said, Sunlight is the real healer. Warmth & Light from the Sun, if your climate & emotional psychological disposition permits, otherwise this therapy might help you get out there. 

My Current Isochronic Tones Playlist

So all the credit here goes to Jason Lewis, the man behind the music of ‘Mend Amend’ - find a massive catalog free to use on YouTube with beautiful graphics or stream on all the usual streaming services. Obviously there are others but currently, for me, MindAmend has it all. Here is his entirely extraordinary YouTube Channel https://youtube.com/c/MindAmend & here is his Website for purchases https://www.mindamend.com/

My god these things have become the love of my life, yes there are times when they don’t help but actually they are few & far between- the relief is still mostly whilst I’m using them but I feel that this will be gradually accumulative & as is the main rational behind some medication I am convinced that time spent being well & functional encourages further stabilisation of & establishment of those brain states of being well & functional. Just as time spent being unsupported in mental disorganisation &/or emotionally dsyregulated reinforces that. Anxiety, generally speaking still down to a decent 1/2 out of 10 from a previous daily without trigger 7/8 out if 10 - if this is the only change I’d still think it’s a wonder but I know there is much much more to gain.

I’m using the Schumann Resonance ones a lot - this is the speed of the Earths own frequency on the borderline of calm Theta to ‘work a day’ Alpha at 7.83hz - SR is my go to calm but alert tone & it totally enhances time spent in nature, deepening the sense of connection & experiential involvement as part of nature. My home base tone.

When I wake up too early & get unwanted premature surges of cortisol I go to Theta around 5.5hz & if I don’t get back to sleep at least I am not being tortured by cortisol induced pain & panic type thinking - so that’s a huge win, a huge asset to better sleep or at least a meditative calm alternative.

I have come to rely on the Complex Tasks isochronic tones sets, wait for it……...to cope with doing the dishes & making lunch 🤣……yes……tasks that many take for granted have always brought anxiety creating disorganisation & stress for me…… it’s so embarrassing but once I begin something like this my brain shoots off in 10 other directions & it takes a massive amount of patience & self forgiveness to complete this basic task without starting to glue up my wellies or organise the recycling after I’ve put the eggs on….. 

Finally, an honourable mention to the ADD/ADHD Intense Relief tones where he essentially de-emotionsalises the brain by speeding up the rational left brain higher than the creative/emotional right side - I think it’s like brain gym, like practicing rationality from a purely mechanical, anatomical, functional direction. I think it’s wonderful & these ones can bring me out of a funk sometimes. Usually being in nature with Schumann Resonance is the way to go for low mood though.

I achieved some, for me extremely complex tasks to do with music technology reasonably sensibly with the help of one of the Peak Focus tone sets. Jason has even inspired me to go electric as a previously confirmed acoustic musician….. I now have a Synth, prepped an Isochronic tone backing track of my own & opened GarageBand for the first time in 15 yrs…. 😄 - wires, leads, I dealt with those at length without a panic attack. I call that a real win. 😅

Red Light Therapy plus Therapy

The current trend in Anti-Aging Red Light & Near Infared Therapy devices got me curious about its cell metabolism increasing capacity in the brain & sure enough the research throws up that trials for PTSD & TBI have shows some benefits. Also for Fibromyalgia for my daughter, which slows metabolism prematurely, a bit like aging too soon….. Anyhow, I’ve been working with a red light nir box for a few weeks now & I love it & I think combined with the insight building of psychotherapy/talk therapy of your choice, I feel the combination would be a real winner in natural treatment of severe mental illnesses.

The query I get is, in what way is this not just a remedy for not enough sunlight…… I’ve loved my light box during grey rainy UK May & it cheers me up & gets me going when it’s chilly but I fail to see how in a warmer climate this would be needed unless the person refuses or is otherwise unable to leave the house, then this could help mimic the sun on your head, stimulating increased cellular atp activity & increasing cell metabolism etc.

I get it for anti aging, in a way, as full spectrum sun is perceived as very aging but surely with sunblock & covering up etc you would still absorb lots of NIR as well as FIR light through your clothes producing the same healthy cellular stimulation. That’s my only query.

So anyway, I love my box & all the benefits I’ve felt from using it so far & yes my skin on my face looks fab imho, definitely enough change there to keep me interested but it’s the affect on my body that’s so fantastic- I feel more energetic, more toned, more enlivened & more positive since using the light box.

My one is not a huge box, it’s a 300w tilting unit by a company called Helios that I rotate body parts towards in the bathroom in the morning, especially sore muscles - I totally recommend this therapy device or a bigger one for people stuck in the house with mental illness or in the more light deprived countries. It’s extremely bright, brighter than the face mask types which cost twice the price for a third of the power per cm2 at a foot away. I wear eye protection or exercise great caution with it as it can cause a painful glare sensation.

A word of warning, I have to say this, just like sunshine, it significantly increases hormonal activity throughout your endocrine system indeed some users use it for this Testosterone boosting, sexual dysfunction restorative capacity - it also increases Melatonin too which is your sleep hormone & a master antioxidant & anti inflammatory agent. I love it but having struggled with Hypersexuality as many BPD & Bipolar people do as part of their illness I am enormously careful with it…… but it’s marvellous 😄🤭😉

Late Diagnosis Anger/Trauma/Grief

I was talking with my wonderful, awesome daughter in law who has late diagnosed ADHD very recently at 33, about how angry I’ve been feeling & she told me that late diagnosis trauma is an actual recognised thing in mental health….. it’s ‘what could have been pain’….. yep that’s part of what’s been going on definitely, I keep getting really angry that I can’t have things happen that a more well person, someone who’s been okish, ok enough could have had like a career, relationships, friendships, achievements, I dunno, travel, err there’s lots of things isn’t there. I’ve literally lived in survival mode my entire adult life not knowing what the fuck was hitting me all the time, I didn’t know what was happening or why. 

So why am I getting angry now? Well, I thing my brain reconstruction process is in pretty good shape right now, best it’s been in a very long time, possibly ever which is great & a cause for great joy & for feeling very very proud & pleased that I’ve achieved that against such greats odds…… & I do think that feeling is there, it’s just partially obscured by this anger & trauma & loss about how much I missed out. Just bare with me, I’ve got to process it my way, I know people want to just say focus on the positive, the present, the future, don’t look back in anger or whatever but I’m raking it over to try to make sense & release some of it, Its just my process I guess. Certainly just a year ago I didn’t have the brain capacity to process anything other than am I having a good day & how to try to stay ok or a bad day & how best to triage that. 

I’ve been locked in my room on my own feeling crazy for all these different parts of my life, so many, long bipolar lows mainly but also for the 8 years after the Psychiatrist misdiagnosed/failed to diagnose me in 2008 I now know I was massively brain damaged at that time & at that actual appointment, which is why I couldn’t explain what I was experiencing to him. His misdiagnosis essentially put me & kept me in the house not knowing why my brain was broken or even that it was for nearly another decade of confusion. I had already given up alcohol, as i realised I couldn’t be trusted with it but that was my social anxiety buffer removed with nothing to replace it. 

It was just so baffling, probably since that first brain damage of the first Bipolar high & crash at 18. No, damn it……I felt brain damaged much earlier, I had over the top rage attacks as a child I don’t know when that started but it was still happening at 13/14 when I quit eating for 6 months. And as I went amongst it all as a teen & got into alcohol these merged into dangerous rage triggered by jealousy over boys, even physically attacking other girls - impulse control had left the building already…. this is how I left school at 17 with next to no qualifications. I hadn’t been able to concentrate on schoolwork for years, since about 12 is how I remember it. (there’s a real ADHD vibe about this period)

Bipolar highs definitely cause brain damage in & of themselves & the crash to low is completely surreal & feels like my nervous system completely disintegrating. Short term memory is decimated, as well as decision making & impulse control etc. I’ve heard PTSD be describe like Alzheimer’s & both my kids will verify how badly like Alzheimer’s I was post crash 2016 & now looking back I can start to see & appreciate the other times that I was left with this Alzheimer’s brain & the slow crawl back or else the resorting to extreme behaviour to get some respite & relief from the feeling of being disarranged cognitively as well as emotionally dysregulated by minutiae. 

Currently listing to Binaural Beats Deep Theta & it’s simply the most healing thing I’ve done in a long time for my nervous system 💜💜💜 Someone reminded me about them recently🙏 I used Binaural Beats for years between 2006-2015 but I invariably had no working headphones so I just had it on in the room which I think is not so good - that’s how poor I was financially before the disability benefits i got 2017 post diagnosis, I could not afford headphones. I was 50 & I couldn’t afford headphones, what can I say. 

Chronic Stress Weakens Connectivity in the Prefrontal Cortex: Architectural and Molecular Changes

Found this article rummaging around on Twitter in reference really to the PTSD that is now currently being wrought rapaciously across Europe & further afield with the new War.

Peer review research article from last year describing exactly what i'm always going on about. Its physical brain changes/damage caused by an unrelenting stress response that may be the result of difficult external circumstances but, more importantly in my mind, may have been merely modelled from a care giver in childhood or from psychological stress that wasn't attended to. Even lack of psychological support & sense of belonging cause brain damage. This is were i've been, on my own for the longest time. 

It makes me so angry. I'm feeling really angry. I've smiled my way so as not to bother anyone, through years & years of feeling brain damaged like big chunks of myself were missing & that not being able to cognitise information was fine, that not being able to remember words or what I was saying just now was fine & that living with a permanent felt sense of intense anxiety was fine just keep smiling..... im feeling so angry that mental health is seen as not physical that its all mental emotional 'stuff' that can be sorted out with the conscious mind...... The VagalTheory info (see last post) is clear that in a major way, it is dysfunction in the nervous system that is creating the difficult stuck, broken or unhelpful mental states that we all battle with, far more than the thoughts we think being the genesis & creator of our mental ill health.

All the mental stuff is just an interpretation, a guess, maybe, if we're lucky, a really good intuitive guess at what the body is trying to say.

Anyway. Im just feeling anger at the moment & im not smiling anymore. It wasn't fair. I was taken advantage of by so many people who should have known better. If I'd been physically ill in my twenties, thirties etc i'd have had support & sympathy from so many quarters. Because I had mental illness, depression, anxiety, ADHD-like high speed mind, physical, physical, physical - difficulty concentrating, difficulty explaining, difficulty feeling safe, difficulty controlling impulses, difficulty making decisions, brain damage, brain damage, brain damage.......im going to be angry about this on my blog until im not...... it may be some time...... im trying to accept that I can't afford therapy & im angry about that.....I can do self EMDR, I can learn bodywork to heal my nervous system, I can do these for free. I just feel ive been through so much.....im just so angry about it. I guess it will blow over. 

I just realised i'm proving this working hypothesis wrong in a way by being angry but, no, that's emotions, healthy emotions informing you when you've been violated or that something is wrong, that's different, emotions move, flow, shift, the nervous system states do not easily do that, they are stuck gears in the nervous system or synaptic blockages, its different albeit somewhat overlapping.

 Quote - Abstract

Chronic exposure to uncontrollable stress causes loss of spines and dendrites in the prefrontal cortex (PFC), a recently evolved brain region that provides top-down regulation of thought, action, and emotion. PFC neurons generate top-down goals through recurrent excitatory connections on spines. This persistent firing is the foundation for higher cognition, including working memory, and abstract thought. However, exposure to acute uncontrollable stress drives high levels of catecholamine release in the PFC, which activates feedforward calcium-cAMP signaling pathways to open nearby potassium channels, rapidly weakening synaptic connectivity to reduce persistent firing. Chronic stress exposures can further exacerbate these signaling events leading to loss of spines and resulting in marked cognitive impairment. In this review, we discuss how stress signaling mechanisms can lead to spine loss, including changes to BDNF-mTORC1 signaling, calcium homeostasis, actin dynamics, and mitochondrial actions that engage glial removal of spines through inflammatory signaling. Stress signaling events may be amplified in PFC spines due to cAMP magnification of internal calcium release. As PFC dendritic spine loss is a feature of many cognitive disorders, understanding how stress affects the structure and function of the PFC will help to inform strategies for treatment and prevention.

Heres the Link to the Article.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/24705470211029254

Sukie Baxter - Tips to Start a Trauma Healing Movement Practice

I just want to push this channel again. Subscribe subscribe!  This is such awesome material dealing with PTSD, cPTSD, GAD, anxiety, nervous breakdown & bipolar muscular tension issues - releasing body held trauma with movements based on PolyVagal Theory. 

“Going slow is going fast” once you get that it falls into place really nicely - wonderful stuff , so helpful, so calming, so relaxing 💜💜💜

The 4 Main Trauma Responses - Dr Caroline Leaf Podcast 302

 This is very info dense but cut it into small portions if necessary - She’s brilliant 💗

Made of Millions

 https://www.madeofmillions.com/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder

Enjoyed this page & looking around the main website, very impressive push going on here to educate & reduce stigma & extend a supporting hand. Also with a live-streaming content programme. 👍

https://www.madeofmillions.com/

31 Natural Factors that May Increase Myelin

https://selfhacked.com/blog/myelin/

Excellent!

There is now much research being done into understanding of the distinct connection between reduced Myelin sheathing in certain areas of the brain & the severe mental illnesses.

This is a brilliant article listing some natural ways of potentially stimulating an increase of Myelin in the brain 🙌 

Adrenaline Dominance Podcast

https://mysolluna.com/blog/2020/04/13/overcoming-adrenaline-and-hormonal-imbalance-with-dr-michael-e-platt-episode-465/

A podcast from last year about Adrenaline Dominance - I’ve bought one his books now 👍🙌 Dr Michael Platt 🙏 great stuff

16 Benefits of Bio-identical Progesterone

 

Click on image to read easier from https://plattwellness.com/pages/16-benefits-of-progesterone

just saying - I'm a big believer 

Quote

"Adrenaline Dominance

Adrenaline triggers the fight-or-flight response, which mobilizes the body’s resources for immediate physical action. The fight-or-flight response is designed to last for only a certain period of time and then abruptly come to an end once the threat has passed. In our modern times, we are experiencing a level of heightened stress.  Dr. Platt has compiled years of observational and evidenced-based treatments blocking adrenaline. In this book “Adrenaline Dominance” he addresses conditions like anger, road rage, restless leg syndrome, teeth grinding (Bruxism), depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), brain fog, PTSD, autism, bed-wetting, leg cramps, TMJ, headaches, ADHD, interstitial cystitis, PMDD, occipital neuritis, plus many others are caused by excess adrenaline. And progesterone seems to be the hormone that can help balance both excess adrenaline, insulin, and excess estrogen along with a proper diet. Progesterone offers a natural, healthy, and effective way to help reduce excess adrenaline and also to help block its effects. By addressing the cause (i.e., high levels of adrenaline), rather than the symptoms, many conditions can often be eliminated, along with the medications used to treat them. Getting hormones into balance, changing the way people eat, and utilizing certain supplements can accomplish optimal health. "

Adrenaline Dominance....... what a great phrase, a description that fits so much in

I think Bio-Identical Progesterone is the missing link in so many illnesses cross gender working as a master neuro-steroid

(I am in love with & use Ona's 10% Prog Cream)

DL Phenylalanine & Relief of Chronic Pain Syndromes

https://www.afpafitness.com/blog/dlpa-natural-relief-for-chronic-pain

This is an older article about DL Phenylalanine from 2013, focusing on its capacity to help chronic physical pain as well as mental & emotional pain,

Here is 2 quotes that I find really superb 💗🙌

“DL-phenylalanine. Recent empirical studies have documented the efficacy of utilizing this essential amino acid for the control of such chronic and/or acute pain syndromes as lower lumbar back pain, joint pains resulting from rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, and other usage stresses; migraines; severe premenstrual spasms; neuritis; neuralgia; and postoperative conditions.

Thus, scientific research has demonstrated that relief from the above pain syndromes is available without the necessity of taking any radical measures, simply by supplementing one’s present diet with this spectacular combined form of phenylalanine.”

“There are three forms of phenylalanine: L; D; and DL. The L form is the most commonly occurring type. The brain utilizes this substance as a precursor to produce norepinephrine (NE). It helps one’s brain restore the depleted stores of NE. For it is well known that stress and overwork tax one’s "brain-well" of NE levels thus leaving one feeling mentally "drained." With the conversion of phenylalanine and another amino acid (tyrosine), vital to this process, the brain’s well of NE can be refilled. As Durk Pearson/Sandy Shaw explain, "You can literally refill the storage pouches on your nerves by using - phenylalanine. Large amounts of vitamin C and B6 are required for the conversion of phenylalanine and tyrosine to NE.(1)”