I realised recently that Im not attached to any of my exes, not even slightly, not in a bad way just a cool calm way, a good way…….well it’s been a very long time for sure but I remembered that due to the overwhelming BPD pain of abandonment & awful obsessive preoccupation with the ex when a relationship ended I was super keen to practice cord cutting within quite a short space of time just to reclaim some energy back for myself…. I mean after all, predominantly they were doing pretty well in life post relationship compared to the nervous wreckage I always ended up in…… so I genuinely did not want to be funding their ongoing success with my own energy on any level at all when I needed it so badly myself ….. also periodically I would check for & delete cords, the feeling of attachment to exes on a regular & ongoing basis.
I think this astrological moment is perfect to do some work on unwanted energetic attachments.
I used to make up my own, being strong on the visualisation front, I would tend to do internal versions of the common external ritual exercises….. personally I’m not big on rituals but you just do what speaks to you.
I can’t concentrate. I want to share all sorts of things but I can’t concentrate & I’ve got sensory overwhelm like I’m on the Autistic Spectrum, which is actually a possibility, kind of mild Atypical Autism or something, it’s always been a possibility but with so much already in my nervous system picture it’s kind of ffs, really do I have to go there too wtf.
So ADHD is extremely frustrating on the concentration front when it is, awful. Anyway. Just checking in to say there’s lots I want to say, lots I wish I could say. 💗
I just wanted to mention this as it’s so important. Frankly, I believe that not being able to describe your experience is the main reason that people are unable to get the diagnoses & thus the help they deserve. It certainly was in my case.
For example, I had never heard the phrase ‘dissociation’ or really understood the state it referred to until looking into BPD post diagnosis & it leapt off the page as an identifier for a state that I’d regularly been in, unable to function normally, losing many hours to a semi-embodied state…. kind of….. not knowing what the heck it was or why it was or what triggered it or even if my perception of it was in any way real or substantial… that’s a lot isn’t it…But it’s intrinsic to severe states of mental illness, the insubstantiality of insight, the fact that being dissociative will often be accompanied by paranoia which restricts insight even more.
Since learning about Dissociation my experience of it has substantially abated, to the extent that I’d say I’d only expect to have in in very very extreme circumstances, like meeting a hero or having a car crash etc whereas I used to have it randomly in the house when I was alone without any sort of reason or warning it seemed.
Becoming educated to the language descriptors for all of my/your conditions, traits of conditions is probably more accurate for me now, well, is crucial to anyone having problems with their mood regulation or their negativity or managing stress etc as it’s the bridge to beginning to explain & then to getting help.
Another bit of language that was helpful to me was ‘emotional dysregulation’, it’s a brilliant phrase because it removes the woolly edges away from people who talk about mood as if it was just clouds passing by in the sky rather than the big bastard weather fronts of being really ill with BPD or Bipolar. It’s been incredibly helpful to me just to discern where I am in terms of mental wellness, how much bounce my emotions have, how fast I return to okness after an upset.
Very often an over simplified mainstream mental health perspective doesn’t give you the language you need to explain a complicated ongoing situation, you have to study your conditions, bunches of traits definitely count & become your own expert, especially as the NHS is so depleted & underfunded now. Much of the natural mental health, nervous system free resources available on YouTube Etc are profoundly helpful & easy to find. Become your own expert.
Describing how older people of both genders are often thwarted from their fitness goals when commonly trainers are using work out regimes that are actually designed on research focused on young men at their hormonal early twenties peak. Debra is an fitness & exercise specialist who describes what the post-menopausal body needs to thrive.
I’m really quite physically fit, fitter than I’ve ever been amazingly but over 50 I do accept that my tummy is now doing it’s own thing to quite a large degree now…. Unconnected to exercise or calorific intake…. just off in its own apparently…. lol
No it’s lovely 🥰 I’ve worked really hard to achieve even this & it’s lovely…… Gratuitous bikini pix to you.
If you’ve suffered severe mental health problems & you make it past 40 you’ve done so amazingly well - the stats are clear…. My imaginary autobiography would be called “I shouldn’t really be here”. If you add up the life years lost to each of my conditions it adds up, using the max stat for each condition to exaggerate for effect…… to almost all of my mad massive 55 years that I’ve achieved
ADHD loses you between 11-13 yrs of life when still active in adulthood, with women disproportionately more likely to die from accident….(that’s very ADD)
BPD = a risk of 15-20 yrs lost and Bipolar 1 can lose you 11-20 from the average life expectancy.
I know that’s a overdramatic way of viewing it but I’ve used it for affect…. The overall average for severe mental illness is about 10 yrs lost….but it’s the quality of life lost thats the real disaster for all mental illness imo…..the suffering, the loneliness, the low self esteem…. that’s what’s really tough…..be kind to yourself for gods sake & practice having your own back for when no one else does. 💜🙌
I’ve struggled, very much indeed with my mental health pretty much constantly since my early teens - 40 yrs more than…..& now I’ve finally found, grow, cultivated some equilibrium & peace in my nervous system that’s been very hard won but feels very real & very sustainable…. But
But…now I’ve got to find out, or create, who am I well…..it’s so late in the day to get emotional limbs back, not back, but to grow emotional limbs that function ok, are reliable, somewhat reliable, potentially can be relied upon, to support me in adversity….. I think it’s really understandable that I’m not sure who I am well yet…..
Hmmm, of course I’m aware that identity issues are an important tenet of BPD but this is different, my life has been long term centred on the mystery of my admittedly rather complex mental/nervous system health picture….. and now I’ve achieved real, clear indisputable progress at long loooong last….. now I need another focus….. obviously there is the maintenance of wellness which with Bipolar 1 also in the mix, is not to be taken lightly & I absolutely do not take it light, but I know how to prevent episodes now, I’ve apparently mastered it.
It seems I’ve mastered it by self awareness, the insight that I’ve gained from being (somewhat) conscious in episodes plus some quite major lifestyle modifications that I guess others prefer not to make.
So I watched this & it got me sparking so I thought I’d share: Trauma, Shame & Being Enough
So Patti & I agree that within all so called Mental Illness is brain & nervous system dysfunction caused by some kind of trauma, a maladaptive response to stress &/or insurmountable stress.
Then I’d like to add Dr Amens thoughts about general anaesthetic, sedation & even local anaesthetic & then also head injury from accident or sports contributing to long term mental illness structurally via direct hardware brain/nervous system injury.
*Then theres the obvious systemic inflammation from poor diet, food sensitivities & ready irritants like alcohol & drugs both legal & illegal (with exclusions in both those latter categories for some people eg CBD seems especially helpful across the board) confounding the nervous system particularly during childhood & adolescence reeking havoc on susceptible developing physiologies*
But I have the question….. what is the difference between a robust nervous system that can withstand endless insults of a range of types without developing a serious longterm fault or which recovers its prior function relatively swiftly & easily & one that simply does not or cannot.
We used to call it a constitutionally highly strung type because of course, the more sensitive someone is the more likely to spiral into increasing mental illness, that is; nervous system dysfunction, when faced with overwhelming stress or psychological insult. But the nurture aspect is crucial too. Support, genuine unconditional, family, community, friendship support can make or break a nervous system, I have no doubt, just as negative experiences in family or community can condemn us to a worse life.
Like attracts like, of this i'm sure. My social circles in the past largely ended up with diagnoses or early death from Substance Use Disorders, old world alcoholism & drug addiction, that the vile Right Wing press would still have you believe is a weakness of character & not trying hard enough rather than what it is; the surface expression & attempted suppression of the symptoms of serious Nervous System Dysfunction. The eventual diagnoses or self diagnoses have all been, across the board, the most helpful thing for all of these people.
Patti's Talk I think is a worthy discussion for those who have had a single intense period of breakdown after really being predominantly functional, but it needs to be known that these bouncing back robust types have perhaps not suffered insurmountable psychological or physical adversity without adequate support.
For those of us with long term ongoing nervous system dysfunction, there is for sure something of use for us in this talk, but id like to see the difference in these 2 groups discussed more frequently & deeply to help us find more answers for all.
